Truth be told, I am writing this post long after May 22nd. Truth be told, it’s a post I never expected to write, nor do I want to. On the morning of Sunday May 22nd, I was in a seat at Roy Thomson Hall in Toronto, for Day 2 of the Hay House “I Can Do It” Conference. This conference brings world-class motivational speakers to town, movers and shakers in the spiritual community, and thousands of eager attendees. It was one of the most amazing events I have ever witnessed. People got along, sharing and group healing were the norm, and lives really were changed. There’s nothing weird or cult-ish about it (trust me, I was curious about that). Hay House is a huge publishing company and people are moved by their authors. It’s legit, and it’s awesome.
However, mid-morning, I received a text from a dear old friend, with the news that another dear old friend had died the night previous in a house fire. Living in a remote area with no one close enough to help, her whole house burned to the ground. It is painful to imagine, and still surreal to acknowledge. I hadn’t seen my friend in years, and yet thanks to the wonders of modern technology we’d always kept in touch, especially about dogs, and her incredible rescue work. Emily Ugarenko was truly an animal rights champion, particularly for pitbulls, an unbelievably gifted artist, metalworker, chef, and photographer and she had one of the most loving and generous hearts you can imagine. She was smart, and funny, and beautiful, and her light shined so brightly. A radiant soul. Emily died in the fire, with her many beautiful animal companions. It’s beyond sad. A word doesn’t even exist for the sadness. My heart aches every day for her family and close friends, and I know moving on is the hardest thing they will ever have to do.
I immediately had to leave the hall. I couldn’t breathe, see, or hear properly until I got back to my hotel for a lengthy, hyperventilating cry. On a soul level, you must accept that everyone is on their own path and their time to go is their time to go, and it’s not for us to understand. In a spiritual community you can reach out to your friends who are mediums and be assured she didn’t suffer and all will be well. But on a human level it fucking hurts to think that someone you love and care about might ever have to experience anything like this. And you desperately pray that it was all over quickly.
I went back to the conference later in the day, and the next event was Mike Dooley’s lecture on “The Top Ten Things Dead People Want To Tell You.” It was hard to listen, poignant and moving as it was. Next, the “Spirit Junkie” herself, Gabrielle Bernstein, took the stage. Her talk was about digging deep and getting real, in a way she realized she wasn’t when she launched her career in motivational spirituality after years in PR. It was a good talk. But the part I’ll take with me the most was the opening Kundalini mantra she played, to offer us all protection and the bonding of singing together. I hadn’t heard music like this before, and no credits were offered. I tracked down the song and I’d like to share it with anyone, everyone, who may ever read this. This mantra is sung to “invoke the protective energy of the universe” (according to the Spirit Voyage Music website), and I invoke, and hope, and pray, that wherever we are and however it happens, we leave our earthly lives with protection, with peace, and with love, and arrive safely wherever we’re going.
Sung by the stunning Jai-Jagdeesh, here are the Gurmukhi words and the English translation. With love, light and song… ~Melissa~
Aad Guray Nameh (I bow to the primal Guru) Jugaad Guray Nameh (I bow to the truth that has existed throughout the ages) Sat Guray Nameh (I bow to True Wisdom) Siri Guroo Dayvay Nameh (I bow to the Great Divine Wisdom)
Listen here: Aad Guray Nameh * as performed by Jai-Jagdeesh & friends * 2011 (live)
So beautiful and touching and honest and raw — a wonderful eulogy to you friend who passed. I send you much love as you grief for her, much love to her friends and family. Thank you for sharing your pain and your light.
I also thank you so much for sharing this Kundalini mantra. I could feel my heart chakra vibrate as I listened to it and for the first time since 2008 I felt compelled to embrace my Kundalini community — something I have stayed away from fear of being boxed in by dogma and in the awakened community, elitism. Perhaps these are misconceptions from my false beliefs but they have kept me away from making my connection to Kundalini wider known. I shall listen to it again and again and maybe even venture a little further into the community. xoxo
You’re welcome, Tricia, and thanks so much for the love. I honestly don’t know very much about that aspect of Kundalini practice, so if it’s something you love and feel connected to, I say engage. I know you can face any challenges with love and openheartedness. I, too, am so moved by this music, and I’ve been listening to it almost every day since that day. I’ll imagine us listening and singing together! Namaste xo
Thank you Melissa — I will imagine that too. I have been listening to it every night since I read this. I feel it right through the solar plexus now. It’s powerful and so beautifully sung. Again, thank you for introducing me to this. It’s a gift. xo